The one thing people are very good at doing is judging others. If we want to survive in the world, our psychology of communication, being the conclusions we draw from other peoples verbal and non-verbal behavior requires that we make quick decisions based on our snap judgments. A snap judgment is a judgment we make about someone within the first several seconds of meeting that person.
What research has found is that the snap judgments we make about other people are usually very accurate in regards to whether we later end up developing positive relationships with that person or not. Be aware that our psychology of communication is biased towards first impressions.
However, as powerful as first impressions are, it is important to realize that we all look at the world in our own unique way based on our own individual experiences and the beliefs we have created from those experiences. Therefore, the first impression you have of someone could be very different to the first impression they have of you.
Then who is right and who is wrong? The answer is you are both right and you are both wrong. This brings me to one of the biggest problems in regards to the psychology of communication that exists. The problem is that we all have our own way of looking at the world and the huge mistake that we unconsciously make most of the time is that we assume that other people see the world in the same way we do. Because we naturally assume that they follow the same rules, we believe that we can judge them based on those rules.
Every time you judge someone, remember that your psychology of communication is biased. Whatever you say or think is a reflection of your belief system that you instinctively believe is right. However, if someone does something you disagree with, it does not necessarily make them wrong. Rather then judging, if you want to understand someone, you should be asking why.
Try to remain neutral and ask yourself ‘why would they do that’, ‘what is it specifically that I disagree with’, ‘could I be looking at this the wrong way’ and ‘what would they say to me if I asked them why they did that’?
If you really want to understand the person, I then suggest you politely and with a tone of curiosity ask them about their ideas and beliefs that form to create their psychology of communication. Ask them where did their beliefs come from and what kind of experiences did they have to shape those beliefs. What you will find is a whole other world of experiences and conclusions made from those experiences. In the process you just might be able to develop a deeper understanding of that person and develop an appreciation for them, despite any initial unfavorable snap judgments.
To your Success and Fulfilling Happiness,
Aleks Srbinoski
